When it's more than adoption...

One of the hardest decision points for parents is when professional help is needed for an adoptive child. Sensitive parents are aware adoption brings complexity to the child's self concept, emotions surrounding losses, and family relationships. Sensitive parents support the child's sorting out of these challenges, and join the child in working at family relationships. Sensitive parents can be both too slow, and too quick, to seek help. So what should a sensitive parent know about how to make that decision?


First, parents who are members of an active adoption community and support network should tap their resources. Talking with other parents raising a child of a similar age and background can help form appropriate expectations for child behavior. If the area of difficulty seems normal to other parents, it probably is.


Second, learning more about the child's coping with feelings is very helpful as is understanding how that fits with parents' own style. Of course, the My TreeHouse model for doing this uses the Enneagram personality types. Modifications then can be made to support the child, communicate more effectively about feelings, and select better forms of discipline.


Third, providing the child the opportunity to socialize with other adopted children will reduce their sense of isolation because they are different from peers. If that socialization includes both fun and serious activities, the adoption issues are usually addressed.


Fourth, ongoing education keeps parents aware of the rapidly growing understanding of child development and how that may affect their child.


Finally, if all of these efforts are made, and the child is still struggling, clinical help may be sought. Seek help when:

• Age mates respond negatively to the child and friendships fail.
• Obvious distress isolates the child from the family.
• Indicators of drug and alcohol abuse are present.
• Parents feel they cannot appropriately manage the child without over-discipline or neglect.
• Parents sense the child is not attached to them.

Barbara Rila, PhD