Oprah has a sister!

Well, more accurately expressed, Oprah has a "half sister". They share the same biological mother but not the same biological father. I tuned in yesterday somewhat reluctantly because I knew if I watched I would be side tracked from the work I need to be doing, and I am. Ultimately, I decided to watch the show under the guise of interest on behalf of the adoptive familes I work with in My TreeHouse. I suppose I thought if I wasn't watching for me, it wouldn't affect me. I was wrong!

What a Cinderella story for adoptees!

"I Found My Family and Oprah is My Sister!"

As an adoptee myself, I have to be careful about casual contact with the subjects of adoption and family and secrets. Questions such as who you look like, and why you were "given away" are quite a distraction...and they are always followed by more unanswered concerns.

"I wonder if I have a half-sister?"

"I wonder if I have a half-brother?"

"I wonder if my biological father is alive?"

"I wonder if he knows about me?"

"I wonder if I would be shunned by him like I was by Bennye?" Bennye is my biological mother's name. She didn't want me when I was born and she still didn't want me when she was dying. I guess we could label that as parenthetical rejection. I like the sound of that for some reason. Maybe it's because it suggests a beginning and an end. Interesting, since there is no end to the list of questions that adoptees live with that will, very likely, never be answered. One question leads to ten more and the lack of answers is no longer a surprise to me but it is always disconcerting.

So, why am I taking time to blog about his topic when it obviously takes me from the present and the tasks that already would have filled my day.

Well...because I have something to say about the whole thing,. Just one thing really, but it is important.

Did you notice, in the sound bites and the follow-up that the big surprise is not Patricia, the person, but the fact that she didn't contact the press and she didn't want anything? Someone on the TV today said exactly that..."she didn't want anything."

Well, actually she wanted to know her mother. She wanted to know why her mother gave her away. She wanted to validate her life. She wanted to know her biological father's identity. She wanted a family, her family.

The family of my "mother", Bennye Joyce Brown, wouldn't let me anywhere near her when she was living, and then when she was dying, because she and they thought I wanted money.

One hour of honest conversation with Bennye about who I am would have been life changing for me. It seems to me that only someone who is not adopted would think of financial gain as the goal...even if Oprah Winfrey is your sister. I guess you have to be without an identity to understand that knowing who you are and where you came from is priceless!

A Powerful Combination of Life Experience and Education

My TreeHouse had the pleasure of having Jim Harlow, LPCi lead a workshop for adoptive parents. Jim is an adoptive parent of five children from backgrounds of abuse and neglect and with special needs. After being self-employed for over 30 years and raising his family, Jim went back to school to earn his M.A. in Counseling at Dallas Baptist University. While currently a Child Development Fellow at the Institute of Child Development at TCU, Jim is completing the required supervised counseling hours for his Licensed Professional Counselor Internship in private practice. Aside from his personal experience in his own family, Jim and his wife have spent years working with other adoptive families in parent support groups. All of this life experience provides Jim with a unique understanding of and ability to connect with other parents and the struggles that they face daily.

The workshop material was based on many years of research and programming at Texas Christian University, and included information related to how children coming out of trauma, abuse, and neglect (specifically including children who have spent time in orphanages internationally) have altered development which influences the behaviors that they exhibit now and their abilities to respond to "normal" parenting techniques. The presentation gave parents practical methods to connect with, to empower, and to teach the children the skills that they need to be able to manage their responses to their environment. Parents left the training with greater insight into their family interactions and with new tools to refashion them positively.

Thanks Jim. You are a gift to our community!

What's Happening at My TreeHouse in 2011

Dear Parents,

Happy New Year! I look forward to sharing another great year together.

Please mark your calendar with the 2011 Schedule of Events below. We have planned a series of three new workshops this year. The only prerequisite is that you have attended our Introductory Workshop (and know your Enneagram number). I hope you will make every effort to attend these events and bring the kids! We have limited opportunities to connect as a community so the workshops are important. Summer Camp is also important for our children so please register as soon as possible. Go to our website for the details on all events: http://www.my-treehouse.org

Please join us this January when Dr. Barbara Rila, Suzanne Stabile, and I will begin the year blogging about post adoption support, the Enneagram (a valuable tool for understanding individual behavior and motivations), and all aspects of adoptive family life! We'll be bringing you great information for each member of your family!

If you know of other families who might benefit from being part of My TreeHouse, please encourage them to attend the January 15th workshop or to look for other Introductory Workshops we will be hosting throughout the year.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Patti Pickering
Executive Director
MyTreeHouse, Inc.
(214) 364-4554

My TreeHouse
2011 Schedule of Events

IntroductoryWorkshop*

Enneagram and Parenting

Saturday, January 15,2011, 9am - 4pm

Suzanne Stabile

*Additional dates will be offered throughout the year; these will be posted on our website.

Advanced Workshop Series

Workshop 1

Part 1: Trust Based Relationship Intervention

Part II: Dealing with Guilt and Shame

Saturday, January 15,2011, 9am - 4pm

Jim Harlow and Joseph Stabile

Workshop 2

Enneagram andParenting: The Next Step

Saturday, April 9,9am - 4pm

Dr. Barbara Rila and Suzanne Stabile

Workshop 3

Surviving Adolescence

Saturday, October 15,2010, 9am -4pm

Dr. Barbara Rila and Suzanne Stabile

Parent Discussion Groups

February 11, March11, May 6, June 10, September 9, November 11, December 9
Time: 7:00 pm - 8:30 pm

Summer Camp

July 27-30, 2010

Holiday Celebration

December 2011 (exact date and time to be determined)