The Rabbit, like its namesake is easily frightened and just wants to be safe. Some Rabbits act scared, some act tough to cover their fears. All Rabbits need love and safety from their parents. When a Rabbit has been placed for adoption, their safety needs are violated, massive fears are aroused, and over-attachment can present in adoption. Rabbits may cling harder and longer than other children to the adoptive parents, suffering separation anxiety much longer and with greater pain. This is known as an Insecure Attachment and befuddles parents who are dependable and steadfast in their commitment to the child they adopted.
Anxiety may permeate all the Rabbit’s relationships in the form of insecurity, diminished self esteem, or controlling and bossy behaviors. The relationships which are hoped to provide safety can instead bring about conflict, hurt, and rejection. Bullies may sense the insecurity of the Rabbit and have great fun tormenting them. This will simply confirm, again, that the world is not a safe place.
Many of the Rabbit’s fears are disproportionately large and enthusiastically portrayed. The parent who engages at that level of excitement will inadvertently confirm the child’s fears with their enthusiasm. Better would be a modulated response which first hears the child’s concerns, acknowledges the worry, problem solves with the child about how to manage, and verbalizes confidence in the child’s courage, strength, or perseverance.
Bedtime is problematic for Rabbits. Separation from the parent, being alone with their worries, and perhaps having fears at night all culminate in this process becoming labor intensive for parents. Establishing a bedtime ritual is important to the Rabbit. Prayers are recommended, or another reflective activity befitting the family’s spiritual traditions. A parent could grant leniency on such things as keeping a light on or music playing. Winding down the day could include warm water for bathing, milk products, lovies, and tuck ins. Parents often lie down with the Rabbit until they fall asleep. As last resort, Rabbits can sleep with parents, or in a nest on their bedroom floor, until the high anxiety abates.
In general, a Rabbit’s fears can be assuaged by structure, predictability, keeping a familiar routine, and preparing the child for any anticipated changes. This is a child who takes literally, and as a promise, everything a parent says is going to happen. The surest way to make the Rabbit feel unsafe with a parent is to casually dismiss these ‘promises’ later. Repeated disappointments of this sort erode the parent-child relationship.
A Rabbit can get hopping mad. When they do, it looks like and sounds like a toddler’s tantrum. That is how the parent should treat it, wait for the storm to pass and when they can talk in a civil voice, address the problem succinctly.
Barbara Rila, Ph.D., P.C.
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